Reaction: Irritability/Anger.
Some days, everything just annoys me. I want to scream and cry and throw a tantrum. Things that normally I would calmly deal with or ignore have me huffing, sighing exasperatedly or cruelly snapping. The constant attempt to contain it is like forcing the lid down on a bubbling soft drink that is ready to explode. It is very hard work. Sometimes, it bubbles over without being able to control it. Watch out because there is no mindful pause. There is no consideration, it just pours forth, pure molten rage.
Response: Awareness without judgement (the hard bit!) Here are 2 techniques that help me. And both are responses after the fact. Mindfulness practice has helped reduce the frequency of outbursts as I become calmer and less reactive but... let's face it, there will be times when it cannot be contained. So...
Name it. A good friend of mine and I recently had a good chat about how we are both feeling in these uncertain times. She suggested that naming your emotions can help. Mindfulness gives me the space to notice and awareness to understand those feelings. As I say to my kids, anger often masks another emotion so if I am feeling angry or irritable then often I need to pause and reflect. Something else is going on below that and I need to figure that out. For example, when irritability was arising w while back during lockdown, I took myself off for a walk. I thought about how I was feeling fed up and annoyed. But I also reflected that I was bored. Bored with being at home, bored with the lack of urgency to anything. Here is a good feelings wheel.
Apologise. Over time I am getting better and better at this. Mindfulness has helped me to put aside the guilt and shame feelings and just clearly identify the mistakes and be honest and open in apologising. The kids especially appreciate this and it also allows me to demonstrate a healthy relationship behaviour. I hope they can notice and take this practice themselves as they grow and mature. I have recently listened to a good podcast which unpacks the art of the apology. It is well worth a listen.
And if this is something you can easily relate to, you may be interested to know that I recently realised that sometimes my periods of irritability were linked to well, my periods! I have been tracking symptoms with my cycle and there is such a thing as "Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD). It is a cyclical, hormone-based mood disorder with symptoms arising during the premenstrual, or luteal phase of the menstrual cycle and subsiding within a few days of menstruation. It affects an estimated 5.5% of women and AFAB individuals of reproductive age." For more information, look here.
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