Impatience

One thing mindfulness has shown me is that I can be impatient (*wincing and backing away*). Actually, I have been told by many people that one of my best qualities is my enthusiasm. But I have also been told that I can rush things. There's a fine line and I often push it!

Looking back, I realise impatience often sabotaged my pain management efforts. I was chasing a quick fix and my goal was always "no pain". I was often told to try this technique, this exercise and when I did (once or twice) and the pain persisted, I got impatient and gave up. It took me a very long time to realise this impatient approach and these unrealistic goals, were not serving me. 

Last year, I wrote the first draft of the novel I have always wanted to write! Yay! Now all I can think about is the next level. Editing, polishing, more writing, writing courses, pitching, and the big one... getting it published. I can waste hours imagining and fantasising about what that would be like, to see my book on a bookshelf. I am impatient to get there but need to focus on the small steps of progress. 

Even writing this, I realise I am impatient. I have taken a break from blogging for the past month or so. Towards the end of last year, I was doing some consistent weeks of Wednesday blogging. It is what I have always aimed for because I know blogs require consistency dedication but most of all…persistence. I am struggling to get back into this routine and I feel annoyed at myself and I am wishing things to be other than they are. There is a tightness in my chest, a slightly sour taste in my mouth.  I float off to where I want to be. And forget where I am. I'm impatient to get to that far off place. Now. Without the effort or the challenges. Buddhists sometimes call this attachment or craving and believe it to be one of the causes of suffering. 

 

This is normally the part in the blogpost where I say this is what to do to magically address the problem. But this time, I don’t really know. I have only recently become aware that I am feeling impatient – and, for now, that’s enough of a step for me. I can just notice without judgement. I can also acknowledge that sometimes, being impatient is understandable, human nature really. We all want it now, bigger, larger, brighter. 

 

Another thing that can help is to begin or expand on a gratitude practice. Rather than getting in an impatient flap focusing on where I want to be, I can just look around and appreciate where I am. Looking for the little things, the progress already made, the family, friends, experiences. 

A good friend of mine and I often randomly share gratitude photos. Our dogs, our homes, our cooking exploits! Just that little moment can be enough to bring it back into the present moment experience. 

Lastly, one thing I have turned towards, especially last year when lockdowns forced us all to be more patient, was to do an activity that deliberately requires patience. Sourdough. Can't beat it! Can't rush it! But has to be eaten and savoured - yum!

 

So, if you have some ideas, please feel free to share. How do you deal with impatience?

The dangers of autopilot

At the moment, we all know this implicitly. Life is busy. Our minds are busy. I am feeling particularly fragile. Corona virus, new lock down in Melbourne, remote learning, uncertainty, managing pain, moving house...lets just say, I have a few things rattling around up there in my brain. None of these are life shattering but each chip away and it all adds up. I imagine I am a circus performer, juggling sharp objects, whilst balancing on a high wire...on a unicycle...covered in bees - okay that's probably overdoing it. I may have been watching a bit too much Magic for Humans (worth a watch if you have Netflix!)

Reacting

"Oh dear, how did I get here?"

Sometimes I wonder if the human brain is too clever for its own good. There are so many things we can do without thinking. Things we have done many times before. There is part of the action that is stored in our memory and so when we do them, we can still think other things, do other things. We switch to auto-pilot. What is going on when a pilot uses the automatic function - have they gone off for a coffee? Toilet break? Watching the in-flight movie? When I act on autopilot, it is because my mind is cluttered, engaged elsewhere. I am off exploring some other idea, ruminating on the past or worrying about the future. 

We have all done it. Been driving and realise we have gone the wrong way. Cooking and wandered off while the frying pan is on. Does anyone remember this ad in the eighties "Oh my goodnesss, the chips!"? A kitchen fire starts while a lady is chatting on the phone. The other day I nearly replicated this. I had some oil warming to cook steaks for dinner. I wandered off to watch television and forgot. Anyway, we were all safe but the kitchen filled with smoke and my frying pan was scarred forever! Also recently, during homeschooling, our morning routines were haphazard and I forgot my daughters scheduled keyboard lesson. We answered the phone in our pajamas and scrambled to get set up. Embarrassing!

Response

Pay attention. A simple solution is to just pay more attention. Of course this is easier said than done as always. My awareness often comes with an instant and deep sense of shame and/or fear. Once recognised, I find it is best to not dwell on what might have happened. A few moments more of distraction...who knows? Best to leave the judgement and just be glad I caught myself being lost. And be grateful that the worst did not happen. 

Connect to senses. After a period of autopilot, I snap myself back to the moment with a sensory overdose. Smell. Hear. See. Feel. Taste. Grab some essential oils, have a barefoot walk on the grass, lie on my acupuncture mat. Listen to some music. It is difficult to get lost when you ave all that present moment experience. 

Touch. Yes, I know, it is one of the senses and I am doubling up but touch for me can be therapeutic. After becoming aware, I like to take some time to be present with someone else. A snuggle on the couch is a great remedy for autopilot blunders. Being kind to myself and soaking up some love from the family.