Questioning

Here's a mindful practice I have been turning to a bit lately. Questioning myself. How? Good question! - I will give you some examples. 

In my last blogpost, I mentioned I have been thinking about posture and pain and muscle tension - a lot! So whenever I can remember, I have been just pausing and asking myself a few questions to help focus on this. Am I comfortable right now? Am I relaxed? Am I bracing or tensing? If yes, do I need to be?

Just by asking myself it flips my attention to my body and I can scan the area and decide if I need to make a change. Without the questions, there is no pause, no scanning and no change. I can be at the computer, braced and tense for minutes and hours. I can be standing in the kitchen preparing dinner, with shoulders around my ears, ramrod straight and in pain. The questions brings the awareness.

Am I over-reacting? This question usually sparks a slump of regret or shame because often the answer is yes. Mainly it's small inconsequential fights with the kids. I have gotten cross about something - not cleaning their rooms, too much screen time or a smart comment (usually something I would say parroted back to me - how annoying!). By questioning, sometimes, I discover my reaction is not in proportion to the action. Getting fired up usually just results in them getting fired up back to me. Then we have two grumpy people and no resolution. This practice helps bring mindfulness to my parenting (and, as my autocorrect pointed out, my partnering!).

Am I okay? Well, maybe I don't ask this question exactly but a mindful check in on my self talk and inner world can reveal some very useful reflections. Non judgemental curiosity might help me realise that I am being very harsh on myself. Another useful question in this self analysis - Would I say this to a friend or loved one? This helps when I am beating myself up about something or ruminating. Like in the mornings when I lie in bed and call myself a lazy slug. To a friend I might just say, 'come on, up you get, you can do this'. So the question prompts a helpful response. A mindful response. I am reading Sarah Wilson's new book This One Wild and Precious Life at the moment and she talks about asking beautiful questions and one of the great ones is how does my heart feel in this moment?

So, ask yourself some questions and get interested in the answer. And if the answer really upsets you...go and watch some episodes of Bluey!

Relax

I have been working with a new physiotherapist and he has given me a few things to ponder. They relate to a recent journal article about the 10 back pain myths and these are explained in the Empowered Beyond Pain podcast. It certainly has made me stop and think. Mainly about muscle tension. 

Much of my back pain comes from sore and tense muscles around the site of my fusion. It's been like this for 20+ years. But what I am coming to realise is that these muscle aren't just tense they are switched on, permanently. They have been switched on (by me) to protect and brace. Why? Fear mainly. I am scared of movement causing pain so I brace and tense to prevent or avoid it. I also have always thought this way the "right" thing to do. If I am tense and braced then I can be strong and avoid hurting my back. I have built a fort around my spine, protecting it from outside attacks. These muscles are alert soldiers, standing at attention, 'Ready for action, Sir!'

But, there is a problem. I have done this so much, so often, they are switched on ALL THE TIME. Even when they don't need to be and they never, ever get a rest. And this is possibly contributing to the pain. So, for the past few weeks, I have become more aware. I am constantly asking myself if I am tensed up and bracing. Are my muscles switched on? Do they need to be? I've even been given a specific exercise to help train my brain to relax these muscles. 

I have developed a new standing posture - the relaxed posture. Standing doesn't require me to brace everything. Looking in the mirror recently I noticed how tense all my muscles were when I was standing up straight (being a good girl, so I thought!). Everything was firing. So I took a deep breath and as I slowly exhaled, I relaxed. Turned off the glutes, the core muscles, tried to switch off the back (this is still a very hard thing to consciously do) but the transformation was marked. I felt calmer. I looked more relaxed. But, the main thing, there was a decrease in pain. It was a posture I felt I could maintain for much longer than I know I can stand in my normal ramrod straightness. 

So, from now on, I am paying more attention. I am doing away with all the rules I had been taught. I am going to be more relaxed and I am going to be letting my body hang, loosely, lightly. At ease, soldiers.