I have been grappling with a question for some time...
Is #disability a spectrum I can be on?
On this day, International Day of People with Disabilities, I offer a poem in salute to you all.
And, the answer, for me, is:
#sometimes
Sometimes I wish people knew how I feel,
Sometimes I wish the pain wasn’t so real.
Sometimes I push through, so hard I am crying,
Sometimes I breeze through without even trying.
Sometimes my actions are dictated by “I should…”
Sometimes my actions dampened, “I wish I could…”
Sometimes I seek compassion, understanding to be heard,
Sometimes I receive pity and hate every word.
Sometimes I make plans, confident I can hold back the tide
Sometimes I make excuses, am embarrassed and I hide
Sometimes people see the real me, I feel emboldened, aflame
Sometimes people see the real me and all I feel is the shame
Sometimes I pretend so I will be accepted, the same
Sometimes I pretend and, again, comes the shame
Sometimes I see hope, it is lights me up with its spark,
Sometimes I am hopeless, alone in the dark.
Sometimes I don’t know how I got to where I am - its chilling!
Sometimes I don’t know how to move forward - it’s thrilling!
Sometimes I advocate for those whose voices are soft
Sometimes I hold my strength determinedly aloft
Sometimes I am able, sometimes I am not
Sometimes I make do, happy with all that I’ve got
Sometimes I feel blessed when loved ones appear
Sometimes I am terrified it will all disappear
Sometimes I show up, oversharingly true
Sometimes I know there is so much more I can do
Sometimes I make mistakes and I grow, I learn
Sometimes the mistakes repeatedly churn
Sometimes I’m a row boat, madly paddling turbulent seas
Sometimes I’m the yacht, calmly following the breeze
Sometimes, to save other people’s feelings, I deceive
Sometimes, to save my own feelings, these stories I believe
Sometimes I am convinced I know just what they’re all thinking
Sometimes into despair and destruction I go sinking
Sometimes the bells are ringing
Then the pendulum is swinging
In this crazy pool of humanity all of us bathe
Sometimes drowning, sometimes saved
Sometimes on the edges, sometimes floating, adrift
Sometimes the grateful observer, sometimes embroiled in the rift
Labelling, change and confusion
Certainty, hope, careless delusion
But.
There are a few, and they know who
For whom I am certain…
All of the time, you love and you care
And when I cannot, you will be there
To everyone else,
Look closely, please don’t judge or assume.
Just as the sun shines one day, dark clouds also loom.
Be compassionate and kind
Be honest, of open mind
Sometime is the one time we have to be free.
This one, precious moment, to just be.
Be Me.
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