Just Be - The mindfulness in daily life blog: September 2021

We are hardwired to focus on the negative. It’s a prehistoric adaptation to be on the look out for danger. But this constant negativity is no longer necessary and only reinforces bad habits, unhelpful and unresourceful thoughts and behaviour. It’s like Rick Hanson, psychologist and best-selling author of Hardwiring Happiness says "the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones."

Unless we bring mindful awareness.

My new life coach is encouraging me to celebrate small wins.

So, I am making a list of ways I can celebrate small wins. The little things I might do well, make a strong choice or just, make it through a day. And to be honest, in what seems a never-ending Melbourne lockdown, some days this feels like an achievement worthy of celebrating. Making this list and sticking it up beside my bed means when I a can be more aware of these small wins then I can celebrate them and reinforce that I am doing well, I am worthy, I am making progress, and getting stronger. And just like I have found with gratitude practice, when you are on the lookout for things, you find them. This is a way of noticing what I am doing well, what I am choosing to focus on, and saying to myself, well done, good on you, pat yourself on the back, look at you go girlfriend. And that makes me feel good.

Here is my list!

Note: I made a conscious effort to try and NOT include ones that were focuses on food/drinking/online purchase – three of my lockdown vices that I want to curtail!

· Tell someone. I fear we never want to come across as bragging but we probably all have that close friend or family member who would whoop with delight when we tell them about a small win.

· Buy myself flowers, or another indoor plant (do I need another? - ummm. Yes, of course I do! Remember they purify the air?) and I do love watching as a new plant settles in and starts to spout new leaves.

· Have a bath/spa/massage (when available!!)

· Read a book (or even buy a book...I can easily convince myself that buying books is good for the local economy and has been a go-to lockdown luxury online purchase!!)

· Go for a walk – getting out in nature has so many benefits – and if you don’t believe me, check out this awesome new docu-series on ABC #BackToNatureAU

· Plan our next holiday (we have done this and had them rearranged a few times in the past 2 years!!)

· Put on some gorgeous essential oils – on my body, in the diffuser, in a candle – breath in the love!

· Go out for a nice meal/coffee w family/friends (explore the takeaway options when in lockdown!) ...adding this as this can still be healthy!!!

· Something with music – maybe it’s a little wiggle or shake, maybe belting out a song I enjoy. Here is my most recent fire up fave (Me Too by Meghan Trainor)

Through this process, I have also set an intention to "cut myself a break" and focus on building my self-esteem and speaking more kindly to myself, and a big part of this is honestly evaluating my own significance and achievements. But more on that next time.

How do you celebrate when you do something well?

Mindfulness is awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgementally,” says Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction.

Mindfulness found me when I really needed it.

I ruminated over the past and feared an uncertain future. I did anything to avoid the pain that relentlessly haunted me. I felt out of control – a tiny dingy bobbing on a stormy sea.

For years, I sought magic pills or cure-alls from doctors, clinicians and mystics begging them to permanently remove my pain. I was desperate. When I finally tried mindfulness, I was beginning to accept that pain was a part of my life and one that I had to manage. Mindfulness helped me turn towards my pain - with compassion. It provided me with a useful tool to incorporate into my daily life.

During the Melbourne Covid-19 lockdowns in 2020, sitting beside my remote-learning children, I began writing a novel. I had no idea what I was doing but the words flowed and I rushed to capture them. It seemed natural to have a main character who was learning mindfulness. Write what you know, right?

Writing my main character, Bea, was cathartic. She inadvertently became sprinkled with aspects of my experiences, quirks and challenges. As I wrote my crappy first drafts about Bea, who was learning mindfulness and as I continued my daily mindfulness practice, I slowly became a writer. Here’s how…

Marvelling in wonder

Mindfulness helps Bea become more aware of people, place, and her feelings. Her mentor guides her to concentrate on what she feels, what she sees. He introduces her to the Buddhist concept of ‘Beginner’s Mind’ – encouraging her to imagine she has never seen or felt certain experiences. Imagine you have never tasted a sultana and then you slowly explore the feel and sensations of it in your mouth. Imagine you have never seen an ant. Wouldn’t you marvel at their size and strength and speed? As a writer, I often need these present moment experiences to translate into my story. Describing the feel of a scratchy carpet under a character’s feet, the tangy smell of eucalypts, the slurp of soup from a spoon – you get the picture – and that’s the point, writers need to use words to help their readers transpose themselves into the story. We have all heard the advice, ‘show don’t tell’, and to do this, I turned to my mindfulness practice. In a place or situation, even behind the closed eyes of my imagination, I brought a beginner’s mind to languish in immersive present moment research.

Start again

Over the years, my mindfulness practice has been haphazard at best. But, like a loyal Labrador, my practice is forgiving, welcoming me back to start again the moment I turn my attention towards it. For a long time, my mindfulness mantra has been ‘start again.’ I made sure my protagonist Bea was taught this little gem by her mentor as well. When she starts meditating and notices she is worrying or ruminating, she starts again. In writing, there have been many opportunities for me to start again. New projects, new ideas, even in the middle of writing. When I completed the first draft, I sat back, sipped some prosecco, I was done, right? But I needed to start again – follow new directions, kill some darlings, play Tetris with the structure, and flesh out some grey, lifeless parts of the story. Mindfulness helped me start again - without over-thinking or judgement.

The mindful pause

Bea is great at speaking and acting without thinking. She’s known for her impulsiveness in her family. Foot in mouth? The awkward moment? She excels at these. She often forgets to take the mindful pause to question, ‘Should I say that?’, ‘Should I do that?’ In writing, taking a mindful pause often helped me avoid writing thousands of words in the wrong direction. It helped prevent random Twitter rants that I would have regretted later. It helped me be more targeted, precise, changing a sentence full of verbal diarrhoea into perfect prose (well, not always).

Compassion for others

Mindfulness is very much pivoted towards expanding your perspective, embracing compassion for yourself and others. Bea leaps into the second part with abandon. She is known in her family as Little Miss Fix-It and has always been a helper, a people pleaser. But she finds out sometimes you just need to be there for someone, listen, offer compassion. By pivoting my focus beyond my own work, a door has opened to the writing community, to new stories, new friends (shoutout to those lovely #6amAusWriters). While my writing is mostly solidary, I discovered the community beyond my computer is amazing once I let them into my world. Writers at all stages share a common bond – the ability to listen, nod, smile and say “Yes, I know all about that.” The comfort in these words has been the difference between giving up and marching myself back to the chair for the next writing session.

Body awareness

‘What am I doing right now?’ Bea’s mentor asks this question to improve her awareness of present moment experiences. She finds the question on Post-It notes all over her house. When I began creating my story, it was easy to fall into the world of my characters. I could become so absorbed in my writing that time disappeared. When I get a good idea, I want to chase it down as fast as my fingers can keep up. But, living with chronic pain means I can’t sit for too long at the computer. Also, I will admit it, I can get caught up in the writerly world on Twitter. It may be a procrastination, a distraction, sometimes I can even convince myself it’s scholarly research. But, too long crouched over the phone is also a sure-fire recipe for pain. Then there is getting lost within the pages of a book. Reading has always been a joy for me. Since starting my novel, I have become extra voracious in my reading (it’s research!) Lost in literary worlds, I can sit awkwardly but, like neglected playdough, I am quick to stiffen. Mindful body awareness has helped me become a more productive writer (and reader and consumer of social media). I use a timer and Post-It notes - little reminders to stop and take a break. Like Bea, these reminders help enable me to call myself back to the present. Writing and reading mindfully, in short bursts, allows me to show up again the next day.

Without judgment

When Bea learns mindfulness, she is intrigued by the ‘without judgement’ part of the definition. She knows this won’t be easy because she is a person (like me) who has battled for years with self-doubt and a confidence built on her volatile perception of what others might think. She is an expert at critically judging herself. Mindfulness allows me to leave judgement to the reader with an element of interpretation. This has also given me the freedom to share my work. After all, Andy Warhol said...

“Don’t think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it’s good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art.”

The thief of joy

Bea learns mindfulness from a Buddhist who has been meditating for years and seems he has it all together, a guru. When she compares herself to him, she comes up drastically short. But we can't be instant experts. Recently on The First Time Podcast, author Leanne Halls gave advice to ‘take your time and not compare’. There is a perilously thin line between learning from others in the writing community and toppling down a rabbit hole of self-doubt and comparison. I have been known to selfishly wallow observing author launch parties, people winning competitions, lucky ducks securing representation and here is me, the newbie, all alone at her computer. Mindfulness has helped me shift away from comparison and towards equanimity. Sometimes I sit back, breathe, and acknowledge that ‘this is how it is.’ But, I also add two powerful words to complete this sentence, ‘right now.’ I can daydream about publication, but I am not there (yet), I am right here, in this moment. I need to be okay with that. I may not compare all the time btu I certainly am going to book into that next writer’s course, read that next writers craft book on or listen to another author interview podcast!

Flipping failure

I was very pleased to learn failure in mindfulness is a success. When Bea talks to her mentor after months of practice, she is worried she’s failing. But the gentle act of noticing is progress. When I did a whole eight-week course, the most common recognition from all participants was how much we failed and what that meant – nothing. Failing just meant we were busy, we were beginners, but we were noticing. Getting comfortable with failure in mindfulness was great practise for me as a writer. Beginning to write my novel has involved fear, disappointment and rejection. I know all about the slush pile and the statistics on how rare it can be to make it through to publication. Rejections have come quick and fast, but I will keep at it. If you are reading this article, it is because I have used mindfulness to help become accustomed to all the rejection letters that came before.

Bea’s invitation to you

Years ago, when I sat to try my first meditation, I had no idea it would change my life. Mindfulness enabled me to live well with my chronic pain. Then mindfulness made another big change in my life. In writing Bea and in continuing my practice, I feel comfortable showing up, each day, pursuing my dream job – writing mindfully.

As I said, Bea is a people pleaser, so, of course, she wants to help you too! How about you go for a walk and sit in the park and ‘just be’ for a few minutes? Drop into your senses observe, feel, listen. But don’t forget your phone/journal so you can incorporate it into your writing.

Why not give it a try?
·               Easy to start with guided meditation apps such as Calm, Headspace and Insight Timer.
·               Open Ground – delivering MBSR courses Australia-wide
·               Buddhism for mothers (okay, so not strictly mindfulness but it was this beautifully written book that was at the forefront of my journey into mindfulness practice)
·               Interview with Jon Kabat-Zinn

Getting ready to create - a guided meditation

Celebrating the small wins

Writing mindfully

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